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[06 Feb 2007|02:39am] |
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mood |
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 bleak |
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music |
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Alone Again, Naturally. |
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I don't have a date for Valentine's Day - when do I ever! Sometimes I think I'm cursed or something. Xander never thought of me like that until I was dating someone else. Oz turned out to be a were-wolf, or I suppose he turned into one after he started going out with me. I wonder where he is now? Erynne and Helen seem to cope with it well enough, but I guess haven't seen either of them for a while, either. It wasn't my fault that Oz got like that, though. I'm not lucky, but ...
I guess it was my fault that Tara left, though. I thought we could maybe do that scrying spell that Giles wanted. Tara knows a lot of spells, I think she maybe knows more than all the rest of the Wicca group put together, but when I called some woman said she's gone. Like Oz - I mean, not like a boyfriend but she's vanished away without even a note, except I guess she's gone back to her family or something, not off to the Orient to learn about things she needs. In a way I wish she had. If she went away and learned new things she'd come back some time and, she likes teaching, she likes teaching spells, anyway.
I suppose she didn't like finding out some of the things I do. She may be used to a farm but I'll bet she hasn't taken bullets out of people very often. Even if her home's in hunting country. I was born right here, on the Hellmouth. I don't know what other places are like, not really. They aren't like this on TV.
I have a feeling that Tara isn't coming back. I feel so - I guess I'll go up to the Inn some time. They're bound to have a dance or something, even if Helen won't be around for it. I don't want to go to the Bronze. it'll be all the cool kids. With dates.
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[21 Nov 2006|02:39am] |
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You are The High Priestess
Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.
The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
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[03 Aug 2006|11:16pm] |
Your Geek Profile:
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Academic Geekiness: Highest
SciFi Geekiness: High
Fashion Geekiness: Low
Gamer Geekiness: Low
Geekiness in Love: Low
Internet Geekiness: Low
General Geekiness: None
Movie Geekiness: None
Music Geekiness: None
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| After removing a bullet for Christmas |
[27 Dec 2005|09:31pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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I should go back to the Magic Box, I guess. I never did pick up the things I wanted - but maybe
Anya won't be there when I go back. Oh, who am I kidding? She's got no more reason to go celebrate Christmas than I have! Less even. I've seen that a cross will turn some vampires. She's more likely to be there than Giles is, at this time of the year.
I wonder if I should ring him at his apartment? He wanted Tara and me to do a scrying spell, earlier. It's just that we had to help Spike. Well, not had to exactly, because he's an evil vampire and a lot of trouble, but he's chipped now and
I don't know what Tara thought about it all. She's from out in the countryside somewhere, and she was saying that she'd got used to things like that, but I guess she meant working with animals. She'll think I'm with the Mafia or something! We only got a little way and then a whole bunch of kids caught up with up with us, and it did make sense to all walk back back together. The streetlights were out and nobody in Sunnydale wants to0 go walking in the dark unless they're. you know, Hellmouthy.
So I didn't get the chance to explain. I still don't know how to explain!
Maybe I could invite her for Hanukkah or something? It's not really that kind of holiday but she may not know that and we're up to the third light so it looks impressive. Pretty, anyway.
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| Out late |
[30 Nov 2005|01:19am] |
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mood |
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nervous |
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music |
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There are noises that I can't recognise |
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It's silly to take an evening stroll in Sunnydale but I haven't been able to get out for a long time. We've had a lot of trouble with the wiring and when the power failed at Thanksgiving I wanted us to go up to the Inn, but Helen was quite nasty when I rang up.
They had a power failure during Halloween and it ruined the dance and she thought I might have done something, just because I gave Buddy's fleas to the Bronze that time and that was PMS and being on my own and anyway why would I? I like Helen, usually, and Grant seems okay, but I don't know him well - or at all, really.
Professor Walsh has been doing spot-tests so I've been studying a lot, especially with the exams coming. Sometimes I wonder if there's a spell for that. Anyway, I thought I'd just go for a stroll to breathe outside air. I wasn't going far from the house but then the street lights went, just in the street I was in. It gave me a bit of a wiggins, especially when I thought I heard someone screaming! It was a long way away and I didn't think I could help - and then I saw that the lights were on the Magic Box, so I headed straight to it.
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| meme |
[02 Oct 2005|01:46pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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there's a nasty, griefy wind blowing |
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I was waiting for someone and I meant to do some silly memes while I waited, but I think I picked the wrong one.
I really don't like that. It's not of the goodness at all. It's ... I really don't like it.
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| That spell may have gone kinda wrong... (Meta/AU) |
[13 Jun 2005|10:17pm] |
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mood |
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artistic |
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music |
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Basket of Light. Pentangle. |
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I've been feeling really down for a while, almost griefy, so I tried a variation on the locator spell to find one of the others. I only changed it a little -
Ring of gold swing round the land,
help me find the friend at hand,
Swinging strong and swinging weak,
Help me find the friend I seek,
Ring of ...
It zapped like an electric shock and left a little scorch on the paper. (It did that when we looked for Drusilla, so I guess the spell worked.) I put a protection charm I'd made earlier in my bag before I went out to see if anyone was there. It's just as well that I wasn't carrying books, because when someone found me it gave me a bit of a wiggins, at the start. I almost dropped my bag.
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| Trying a variation on the locator spell |
[12 Jun 2005|09:54pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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Basket of Light. Pentangle. |
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I guess I got really into the studying this time. Books everywhere and I so ought to take the reference stuff back. It was easier when Giles was at the library, except that I'd come in for a book I really needed and end up hacking the police reports or doing a post-mortem or something - but I didn't get fined when the books were over-due, so that was cool.
I haven't seen the others for ages. I guess Xander is still working up at the Inn, and Buffy must be out with the slayage, or in with Riley, or something. I don't know why I ended up with all this sociology and nothing new on Wicca to relax with. I wonder if Giles is still at the shop? It's not late. But then Anya might be there and I so don't feel like talking to her just now. I need to talk to someone. It seems ages since we were at the Inn. I guess I'd better clear up.
Hey, I do have some stuff. I don't want to try conjuring flowers again just yet. That rose with the little legs gave me a wiggins, even though it didn't run about or anything. There's the map we used when we were trying to find Drusilla, and the pendulum. I could just try...
Ring of gold swing round the land,
help me find the friend at hand,
Swinging strong and swinging week,
Help me find the friend I seek,
Ring of ...
OW!
It kind of zapped and left a little brown mark on the paper. I thought it was just supposed to swing around the spot. But I might as well go out and see if anyone's there. I need a walk anyway, and I think I still have a key for the Magic box.
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[03 Jun 2005|11:57pm] |
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mood |
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drained |
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The finals were fun. I enjoyed Social Science even though I can't help feeling that he's wrong about the relationship of alienation to mental illness. We all feel alienated sometimes. It would have made more sense if if he'd drawn the same conclusions about anomie. Doesn't he understand about Sunnydale? All that stuff about knowing that the authorities are on your side and so on, that you get in books, it just doesn't apply here. I wonder if it does anywhere or if they just made it up?
If I was a real Wicca, powerful, I'd be tempted to give some of the teachers just a little nudge to bring them nearer to reality. He was talking about social stratification in the last lecture and he never even mentioned demons. I guess it's difficult to call them working class, though, but what else are they?
I guess I studied too much and I've gotten stale. I'm so tired that my mind is blurry. I need a real change from the books. I wonder what the others are doing?
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[08 May 2005|08:23pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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Basket of Light. Pentangle. |
] |
I feel stunned with the tired. I wanted to celebrate Beltane. Well, I'm a Wicca, and even that silly Wicca Group got to celebrate even if they did probably use empowering Bakewell tarts and toast marchmallows round the fire! Tanith said they were going to jump it! Doesn't she realise that's for fertility? From what I've heard she - oh, who cares. I couldn't go.
The trouble was that Mom wanted to have a traditional Passover. I guess it was Aunt Leah's influence but we ended up doing all the Pesach and the Sedars. Mom was doing a lot of it at first, but then she said I should get in touch with my roots. Pesach is all cleaning. I feel like Cinderella or something, except that we don't have mice. Or a pumpkin.
I might get to go to the ball, though. I heard they found some crates of that green stuff up at the Inn, left over from St Patrick's day. They can't sell it to the guests now, but it was nice. I wonder when Xander will be on duty again? I might go up there, just to keep him company.
The St Patrick's Day party was fun. I think Tara enjoyed it too - I wonder if she knows a spell to create that kind of atmosphere again? I wonder if I could find one?
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| that's convenient |
[31 Mar 2005|01:26am] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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Riverdance |
] |
 | You scored as Judaism. Your views are closest to those of Judaism. If you are not a Jew, do more research on Judaism and possibly consider becoming one; however, realize that conversion to Judaism is difficult.
Judaism was the first of the Abrahamic faiths; it precedes both Christianity and Islam.
Judaism | | 88% | Islam | | 79% | agnosticism | | 75% | Buddhism | | 58% | Hinduism | | 54% | Satanism | | 50% | Paganism | | 50% | atheism | | 42% | Christianity | | 21% | </td>
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com |
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[22 Mar 2005|11:06pm] |
I went to the Inn late. I still have a nasty feeling that the Aragon Fetch might arrive and act as if it knows me, but maybe it would go to the Bronze or something? I don't think I told it to go anywhere in particular, and maybe not even to recognize me. I think I would have needed a mirror, for that. I was so sleepy that night that the spell could even have called Eowyn, and then I guess she'd have wanted to dance with Xander, and that would be a change from Mantis women and ex-vengeance demons. I didn't cast it right, anyway. Nothing's going to come now.
I guess it's just that I get kind of nervous with the idea of dancing and and so on, but the theme nights at the Inn are turning out to be fun, because the cool kids don't go there. Last time I knew people, and even if Buffy is all wrapped up with Riley Xander is working in the bar. I wore the green dress that Leah said went well with my hair but as soon as I got there I saw big shamrocks in the same shade of green and that most of the people had drinks in a different shade of green. If I had one I guess I'd look as though I was accessorising and I start to wonder if I looked like wait-staff or one of the decorations and I was building up into a bit of a wiggins until I saw a familiar face.
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| After The Ball is Over, |
[13 Mar 2005|08:00pm] |
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mood |
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stressed |
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I've been really jumpy since Valentine week and the big dance. Luckily Mom doesn't notice much. Leah forgot some things when she left and she phoned about them. We sent them off last Friday. She bought these handpainted plates with a whole big thick ring of 22 carat gold around the rim. I think she maybe got them from Buffy's mother - and I kind of forgot to pack them.
I used one for the flea spell and then to burn the herbs for the other spell. The spell that really didn't work or the Aragon Fetch would have turned up at the dance - and he didn't and someone would have said something by now, if it worked. (Unless he got arrested for carrying a sword or something and even then the papers would have carried it. Maybe that's why the spell said you need man's clothes? So the Fetch doesn't turn up in armor or something?)
Well, afterward I wanted to really cleanse and sterilize the plate I'd used - so Leah didn't end up with fleas, or with Legolas or something. I was being responsible - and anyway it was early in the morning and I wasn't properly awake.
If your Aunt has really fancy plates with great inch-broad gold stripes on them you should not microwave one. Not if it's real gold. Even if you realize something's wrong and turn it off right away the gold goes all crackle finish and it doesn't match the set any more.
Casting to try to smooth it out or hide it or something didn't work.
I saw Tara at the Inn. I was so tempted to ask her to help me with that, but "Hello, come and do a spell," seems so - I don't know. I guess I'm kind of stressy. I can't seem to think straight.
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| Recorded. Because I want to be different! |
[20 Feb 2005|02:34am] |
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mood |
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mystic |
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music |
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pentagram chant |
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I'm getting more and more sort of griefy. I'm lying here, eating chocolate and recording the entry because I just don't want to sit at the laptop like a good little Nerd! It's just, I've somehow turned into - what did Xander call me that time? "Old Reliable" or "Old faithful" or something. Everyone saying,
"Oh, Willow is great, she's my best friend." but nobody sent me a Valentine and nobody wants to take me to the dance. I just get to do the research, and the post-mortems, and listen to Buffy talking about Riley, and Xander got involved with Mantises and Mummy Girls and, and oh, and with Cordelia, even. And now he's dating a demon and they're a couple - and I just got a werewolf and he left me.
I feel like - like having a total, whole body make-over or something, and - I don't know! . Even Cinderella got a godmother, and what do I get? Auntie Leah telling me that I'm quite pretty really and I'm too picky! I wouldn't want glass slippers. I just want someone to take me to the dance so people won't laugh .
Leah's gone and nobody notices what I do now. I've still got the candles set up from the fleas spell. Doing the magic did relax me, a bit, but not enough. I found something interesting in one of the books last year. It said you could make a "Fetch*. That's what the writer called it. You can use clothes or something human shaped and make - like an image. A glammer - that's how it was spelled.
I couldn't quite get a mental picture of what it's like, but it shapes something that seems like a person. The book said it wasn't anything evil, just a fiction given the appearance of flesh. I've just found the spells on line and it might be easy! All I'd need to do is light the candles and then burn .. these herbs, I had them anyway.
Buffy said she wasn't drooling over Aragon, but she so was. Legolas was nice to look at, too, but I guess maybe a bit too girly looking for the Bronze, or even the Inn. I wonder if I could make a Fetch? It's an easy spell and I have those herbs.
I can just imagine their faces if someone who looked like Aragon was at the dance with me - could a Fetch dance? Even if the others just saw me with him. Aragon was stupid, anyway. He was all mooning about after Arwen but Eowen was much interesting, if I was a man I'd rather have a shieldmaiden and - and I should focus.
I'm nearly asleep. Just trying the magic was relaxing enough, I guess. I'd need a man's clothes to animate to make myself a Prince Charming, anyway. The pyjamas aren't working - maybe if a Lord of the Ring turned up he'd be nude? The spells said that the clothes were only to give the shaping. I wonder if that's why there's all those stories of frog princes? Maybe they used frogs and gave them a man's shaping. I hate frogs, all jumpy and wet.
It hasn't worked. it may be just as well. The writers talk about shapings but they all say it "calls the Fetch". Things that get called don't often turn out all cuddly-wuddly. I'd better clear the pentagram away and make myself some cocoa or something, or I'll be having bad dreams. I'll do it in a minute. I'm so tired.
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| Just a little spell - or two. |
[14 Feb 2005|09:59pm] |
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mood |
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angry |
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music |
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the chant from India |
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11 a.m. I didn't get any Valentine cards. None. Not even one one of those friendly, silly - I'm glad Aunt Leah isn't here. She'd have gone on and on about it. I don't have a date for the dance. I won't get a date for the dance. not if nobody liked me enough to send a card.
I know I shouldn't get upset. I do know that I shouldn't. I'd remember what happened after Oz left even if they hadn't kept on about it. Buffy and Spike nearly got married and Giles had to fence with a snake. He could have died of that snake-bite. All I'd said was that I hoped he'd have to test the anti-venom himself - but I'd cast the spell that my will be done, first. I won't do that again.
I was really powerful even then, and I know more now. I've got more control. I've got the blood_pressure pills, too. It isn't dangerous. I'll feel better if I do a little magic. I won't feel so tense. I didn't mean to hurt Giles, when I did that. I still feel guilty sometimes. I should do something nice for him, not just a trick like the montage, something real .
Giles was really upset about Buddy coming back with fleas. I'll bet I could get rid of those for him. He hates having fleas in his apartment and if I get rid of them, and the ones in the shop, I'll have done something nice for him and Anya too - and Buddy, I guess. It ought to be easy. I'll just cast the warding circle and cleanse.
I've got the candles, and a map; I'll have to draw circles around the places I want to clean - I guess it's because getting all the stuff is boring, and so are the cleansing spells, really, but I keep thinking about the way Cordelia used to talk about me. I don't want to go to a Valentine Dance without a date. They'll all talk about me and laugh. Maybe I'll feel better when I've cast the spell. I'll be more relaxed.
*Firewalled* 1p.m. I did it, I used pepper for the fleas and when I said the last line of the spell all the pepper grains jumped out of the circles on the map, away from Giles. Only, I had to have somewhere to send them and I kept thinking about the cool kids so I just sent the fleas to the Bronze. I had this sudden impulse. If they want something to talk about they've got it now - lets see them laugh at that!
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| Evening out |
[07 Feb 2005|07:18pm] |
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mood |
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 pensive |
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music |
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Basket of Light. Pentangle. |
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The Lord of the Rings marathon was fun. It was nice to relax. I felt kind of jittery at first. I thought it was from being in the dark. Wouldn't you think vampires would just love a movie theater? They could pick their moment and just lean over and ... so I was kind of jumpy. I nearly reached for Xander's hand. Then I realized there was a fat woman who smelled of peppermint just behind me and she was like Leah. I was really expecting her to lean over and ask why I wasn't there with a date, like a normal girl.
It could be like that at the Valentines Day Dance, even though Leah's gone. There's going to be people who notice if I show up without a date. I don't think they'll tell me I'm too picky, though, or that it's not a good idea to hang with a prettier girl, cause the men'll only notice her. Buffy thinks that Samwise stole the show. I guess faithful sidekicks don't have to have so much going for them.
Afterward, when Buffy was drooling over, appreciating Aragon I started thinking. Daydreaming, really. Wouldn't it be cool if I could just magic up a date for Valentines day? Someone really droolworthy, like a filmstar.
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[26 Jan 2005|09:27pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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Basket of Light. Pentangle. |
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Buffy has really been working on her classes this year. Her marks could make me feel threatened! Well, maybe not. I'm still pretty much a brain, but it's nice we've got something in common. I don't know how she could pick Intro to Theater, though. She may think the Prof. is cute but he's kind of - oh, I don't know. She gets on well with Professor Walsh, too. Maybe that's why she's gone all scholar this term.
She seems to be ready for a break now, and she was talking about going out this week. That might be fun, but then there's February to get through. I guess people would laugh if I go to the Valentines Day dance without a date. I wonder if I could meet someone there? But the only people without dates would be ... well, I guess geeks, like me. Xander might be coming, too - but I guess not to the Valentine's Dance. He's been talking about getting a job as a barman and I guess if he does, he'll be working.
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| shopping |
[25 Jan 2005|11:33pm] |
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mood |
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sort of guilty |
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music |
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computer sounds |
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I promised Giles I'd take a look at his computer, so I went to the shop. Xander was there. His parents have decided to charge him more rent. That basement isn't worth it. At least my mother never tried to charge me rent for my room. I'm sure she notices that I'm still there - I think she does. Leah would have told her, anyway. I was trying to tell Xander not to have a wiggins about it but I don't think he can do very much. Not the kind of thing they pay you for.
Giles' laptop has something odd wrong with it. It cuts off and crashes if I try to run the anti-virus scans, but it doesn't come up positive for Klez or any of the things I was running diagnostics for. (I kept having the feeling that I was checking the wrong things. I wish there was a spell for that - I mean one I could use without turning the firewall into Lemmings or something.)
At least I didn't cause the trouble. I'm not really sure whether I took Livejournal off-line. I was just trying the Vesabbat spell and got irritated - so I wished there was less high-powered creativity around, so their servers would stop being over-loaded. Then it wasn't there.
It must have been co-incidence. Even the nose-bleed afterwards. I should get some more of the blood-pressure pills, just to be safe.
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| Geek! |
[14 Jan 2005|09:49pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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Burnt Offering; Saturn |
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Somebody sent me this. I thought I'd outgrown it a bit, maybe. Oh, who am I kidding, me? It didn't give me any kind of a wiggins, though. I'm just a bit down. It's too long since I've seen - well, anybody, really. I'd even be glad to see Giles.
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w_rosenberg's journal